A kindergarten teacher handed out a colouring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to colour the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. However, little Bobby coloured the duck in a bright fire truck red.
After seeing this, the teacher asked him, “Bobby, how many times have you seen a red duck?” Little Bobby replied, “The same number of times I’ve seen a duck holding an umbrella.”
Professor: Do you know the difference between ammonia and pneumonia?
Student: Sure. One comes in bottles and the other in chests.
Biology teacher: What kind of birds do we keep in captivity?
Lucy: Jail birds, Miss!
Teacher: Tim, say a sentence beginning with “I”.
Tim: I is …
Teacher: No, Tim. You must say, “I am.”
Tim: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Teacher: What is a comet?
Julie: A star with a tail.
Teacher. Very good. Can you name one?
Julie: Lassie!
Teacher: “If I laid two eggs on the chair and three eggs on the table, what do I get?”
Pupil: Your picture in “Believe It or Not!”
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
She posed this question to her students: “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?”
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, “A football coach?”
English teacher: ‘Jim, give me a sentence with the word “counterfeit” in it.’
Jim: ‘I wasn’t sure if she was a centipede or a millipede, so I had to count her feet.’
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
Two university students had an exam coming up but they opted to party instead, and missed the test. “Our car broke down due to a flat tyre,” they told the professor earnestly. “Can we write the exam tomorrow?” The professor agreed to give them a makeup test the next day.
Both boys crammed all night until they were sure they knew just about everything. Arriving the next morning, each was told to go to a separate classroom to take the exam. They shrugged and complied. As they sat down, they read the first question: “For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.” This is going to be a piece of cake! thought each boy, answering the question with ease.
Then, the test continued. “For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 