Sign at the golf course restroom:
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don’t stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please while others are preparing to go.
10. Don’t take extra strokes.
Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.
Professor: Do you know the difference between ammonia and pneumonia?
Student: Sure. One comes in bottles and the other in chests.
Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are those machetes doing in your car?” asks the cop.
“I juggle them in my act.”
“Oh, yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
“Wow” says the passer-by. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”
Sign along a roadside overlooking a swimming beach:
DON’T WATCH THE CURVES!
I have finally figured out why babies suck their thumbs. I tried some of the baby food.
An overweight lady had an enormous steak on her plate. Her husband took one look at it and said, ‘Surely you are not going to eat that alone?”
“Of course not. I’ve just ordered some potatoes.”
Seen on a church sign:
“A narrow mind is usually accompanied by a wide mouth.”
The plumber finally arrived. “How have you managed?”
“Not too badly,” said the housewife, “while we were waiting for you I’ve taught the kids how to swim.”
What is a cat’s favorite movie?
The Sound of Mew-sic!
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 