An elderly lady approached the pearly gates and knocked.
“Who is it?” asked St. Peter.
“It is I,” came the reply.
“Oh no,” muttered St. Peter. “Not another school teacher.”
Tag Archives: good clean jokes
Joke of the day – Pilot
Air traffic control: “Identify yourself and what is your height and position?”
Pilot: “I’m Captain Steve Murphy. I’m five feet four and I’d be sitting up the front.”
Joke of the day – Biology lesson
Biology teacher: What kind of birds do we keep in captivity?
Lucy: Jail birds, Miss!
Joke of the day – Sleep
Joe: Do you go to sleep on your left side or your right side?
Moe: Both sides. All of me goes to sleep at once.
Joke of the day – Lecture on economy
Two husbands leaning on the bar.
“Did you give your wife a lecture on economy like I told you?”
“Yes, I certainly did.”
“And what was the result?”
“I’ve got to give up smoking.”
Joke of the day – Patience
Patience is the ability to “count down” before “blasting off.”
Joke of the day – Chemistry professor
What kind of dog would a chemistry professor have?
A laboratory-retriever.
Joke of the day – Heart of gold
People will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold but so does a hard-boiled egg.
Joke of the day – Pickpocket
Pickpocket’s job title:
Self-Employed Public Fund Raiser
Joke of the day – Vacuum salesman
A vacuum salesman appeared at the door of an old lady’s cottage and, without allowing the woman to speak, rushed into the living room and threw a large bag of dirt all over her clean carpet. He said, “If this new vacuum doesn’t pick up every bit of dirt then I’ll eat all the dirt.”
The woman, who by this time was losing her patience, said, “Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 