“Guilty! Five years or fifty thousand dollars!”
“I’ll take the fifty thousand dollars. Thanks, Judge!”
Tag Archives: clean jokes
Joke of the day – Job evaluation
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
Dictionary of Evaluation Comments:
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
COMPETENT: Still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
HAPPY: Overpaid.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
USES RESOURCES WELL: Delegates everything.
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.
Jokes of the day – Watch dog
We have a fine watch dog. So far he has watched somebody steal our car, watched the garage burn down and watched a bloke pinch the lawn mover.
Joke of the day – Board Meeting
At the board meeting: “All those in favour say ‘Aye’. All those against, resign.”
Joke of the day – Fish dish
“You are not eating your fish,” said the waiter, “what’s wrong with it?”
“Long time no sea,” said the diner.
Joke of the day – I am
Teacher: Tim, say a sentence beginning with “I”.
Tim: I is …
Teacher: No, Tim. You must say, “I am.”
Tim: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Joke of the day – Taxi driver
Taxi driver: A person who earns a living by driving customers away.
Joke of the day – Chef
Chef: A person with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.
Joke of the day – Hummingbirds
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that don’t know the words.
Joke of the day – Museum
“And this over here” croaked the 90 year old museum tour guide, “is a fossil 4 million and 69 years old, on it’s left you can see another fossil that’s 2 million and 69 years old.”
“Wow! That’s really fascinating,” said a fellow in the audience, “how can you age it so accurately to the year?”
“Well that’s simple” answered the old chap, “It was two million years old when I started working here 69 years ago.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 