Tim: Boss, we’re doing some heavy house cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.
Boss: We’re short-handed, Tim. I can’t give you the day off.
Tim: Thanks, boss. I knew I could count on you!.
Football is a game in which 22 men from two teams run around for about two hours watched by millions of people who could really use the exercise.
Inspector: “Don’t you know you can’t sell second-hand cars without a license?”
Car dealer: “Thanks, I knew I wasn’t selling any, but I didn’t know the reason.”
A bright eye indicates curiosity and a black eye indicates too much curiosity.
The Sunday School teacher asks, “Now, Julie, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
“No ma’am,” little Julie replies, “I don’t have to. My mum is a good cook.”
ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOTHER: “Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can’t
you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”
ALBERT EINSTEIN’S MOTHER: “But, Albert, it’s your senior picture.
Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse,
something…?”
BATMAN’S MOTHER: “It’s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how
much the insurance is going to be?”
GOLDILOCKS’ MOTHER: “I’ve got a bill here for a busted chair from
the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?”
HUMPTY DUMPTY’S MOTHER: “Humpty, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told
you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to
me? Noooo!”
JONAH’S MOTHER: “That’s a nice story, but now tell me where you’ve
really been for the last three days.”
MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent on
braces, Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?”
LITTLE MISS MUFFET’S MOTHER: “Well, all I’ve got to say is if you
don’t get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there’ll be
a lot more spiders around here!”
MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY’S MOTHER: “I
don’t mind you having a
garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?”
MICHELANGELO’S MOTHER: “Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other
children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off
the ceiling?”
NAPOLEON’S MOTHER: “All right, Napoleon. If you aren’t hiding your
report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and
prove it!”
SUPERMAN’S MOTHER: “Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and
we’ve decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you
quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?”
THOMAS EDISON’S MOTHER: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the
electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to
bed!”
“Order, order in the court!”
“Whiskey on the rocks for me. Thanks.”
Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
Father: Son, I am concerned about you, You’re always in the bottom of the class.
Son: Don’t be worried, Dad. They teach the same things at both ends of the class.
One reason why it’s so hard to save money is that our neighbours are always buying something we can’t afford.
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 