When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a light pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver.
A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first aid.”
The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”
An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years.
The elderly man goes back in a month for a checkup. The doctor says, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
To which the gentleman replies, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”.
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
― Vicki Harrison
A corrupt minister used to write “NOT APPROVED” on all the papers that were sent to him by his assistants. He always left a significant space between NOT and APPROVED.
When the affected persons greased his palms, he would recall the file and just add an “E:” after NOT so that it became “NOTE: APPROVED”.
This was the beginning of eBusiness in Kenya.
“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”
– John C. Maxwell
“I’m the pink sheep in the family.”
Alexander McQueen
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
A manager of an electronics shop ordered a part number 669, from the factory. When it arrived, he noticed they’d sent him part 699 instead. He fired off an angry letter and sent it back. A few days later, he got the replacement. It was the same part, along with a note containing these four words: TURN THE BOX OVER.
An Apache goes into a bank and asks for a loan of 200 dollars. The bank manager asks for collateral.
“I have 150 horses,” says the Apache, so the bank manager lends him the money.
A month later, the Apache comes into the bank with 2220 dollars in his hand and pays off his debt with interest.
“Wouldn’t you prefer to deposit the rest of your money with us?” asks the bank manager.
The Apache looks at him suspiciously, then looks around the bank.
“How many horses you got?”
“You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.”
– Abraham Lincoln
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 