“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.”
Tag Archives: clean jokes
Joke of the day – Baby camel
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, “Mom, why have I got these huge three-toe feet?” The mother replies, “Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand.” “OK,” said the son.
A few minutes later the son asks, “Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?” “They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert.” “Thanks Mom,” replies the son.
After a short while, the son returns and asks, “Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??” The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, “They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods.”
“That’s great Mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom…” “Yes, son?” “Why are we in San Diego zoo?”
Joke of the day – The horrific accident
Lucy had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the police officer arrived.
“My goodness!” the officer gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” Lucy chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” Lucy began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Err, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
Joke of the day – One night in Paris
One night in Paris, a tourist dropped into a sidewalk cafe late one night and, after a couple of drinks, realized he was the last person in the bar except for a chap sleeping at one of the tables.
The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill.“Would monsieur care for another drink?” asked the Frenchman.
“No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don’t you send that other fellow home?”
“Well, I should,” said the Frenchman. Then, he added, “But each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again.”
Joke of the day – Bus fare
Conductor: “Full fare for the kid, he’s five.”
Mother: “How could he be five, I’ve only been married three years!”
Conductor: “Look lady, I take fares not confessions.”
Joke of the day – Love letters
Bernie: I wrote Mimi a letter every day for a year.
Jim: What happened?
Bernie: She married the mailman.
Joke of the day – Duck hunter
First hunter: How do you know you hit that duck?
Second hunter: Because I shot him in the foot and in the head at the same time.
First hunter: How could you possibly hit him in the foot and head at the same time?
Second hunter: He was scratching his head.
Joke of the day – Paint job
Anxious to get the porch painted, Julie urged her husband to allow the man that knocked on the door looking for handiwork to do the job. The man happily agreed to paint it for $50. They were thrilled at their good luck of getting the wide porch painted for a measly $50.
Minutes later there was a knock at the door. “All done” he said. “Already?” they both said at once. “Yeah, and by the way, it’s a Lexus not a Porsche”.
Joke of the day – The two monsters
Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Joke of the day – The Millionaire’s Son
Mrs. Smith, the third grade teacher, gave the term test to her students. Richie, the son of a millionaire knew he will not pass the test. Reaching into his pocket, he found a $100 bill and he attached it to his test with a note, “A dollar per point.”. The next day Richie received his test papers with a note, “Good try!”, along with $60 change.
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