Diner: You call this creamed lobster your special? I can find neither cream or lobster in it.
Waiter: Yes sir. That’s what makes it special.
Tag Archives: good clean jokes
Joke of the day – Christmas gifts
Bernie and his mates were out at the local pub for a drink.
They were discussing Christmas and exchanging their individual experiences of the festive occasion.
Then the conversation moved along to Christmas gifts and what they are giving to their nearest and dearest. Soon it was Bernie’s turn.
“What did you get for Christmas, Bernie?”
“I bought myself one of those I-phones” he replied. “They’re brilliant. You can do internet and movies and photographs and just about anything.”
“Then for my daughter I bought an I-pad. They’re better than books you know”.
“…..and I got my son an I-pod for his music.”
“What did you get for your wife then Bernie? asked his best mate. “Something special?”
“Well, I got her one of those Irons.”
Joke of the day – The shopping criminal
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,“What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.
“That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened.”
Joke of the day – Perpetual youth
The secret of perpetual youth is to lie about your age.
Joke of the day – Bear hunt
Two foolish guys went hunting for a bear. Along the way they saw a sign “Bear left,” so they went home.
Joke of the day – Definition of a fish
A fish is an underwater creature that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time the fisherman describes it to his friends.
Joke of the day – Best time to plant lettuce
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:
“Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:
“Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
“Dear Husband, You wouldn’t believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden.”
The prisoner wrote another letter back:
“Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce.”
Joke of the day – New shampoo
Have you heard about the new shampoo for men who are going bald…
It’s called “What’s the Point?”
Joke of the day – Defensive driving
Driver: I had to drive into your fence to keep from hitting a cow that was on the road.
Farmer: Was it a Jersey cow?
Driver: I don’t know. I didn’t see her license plate.
Joke of the day – Call 911
A lady fainted and the husband calls 911.
The operator asks, “Where are you at”?
The husband replies, “I’m on Eucolipstic Road.”
The operator asks, “Can you spell that for me?”
“Well… I’ll just drag her over to Oak so you can pick her up there?”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 