Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was a ‘head’ and the tomato was trying to ‘ketchup’!
Tag Archives: humor
Joke of the day – Life worth living
A group of people were having a party at the local pub. Suddenly, someone yelled “All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.”
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
Joke of the day – Doctor’s instructions
Lulu is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When she returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”
Lulu nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” she replied.
Quote of the day – Nikita Khrushchev
“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.”
– Nikita Khrushchev
Joke of the day – 10 things about you
1) You are human.
2) You are reading this.
3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
Joke of the day – The hidden box
An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his tie before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife to ask her about the box and its contents.
Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 25 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, “WHY?” The wife replied that she hadn’t wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings.
She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. She replied, “Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1.”
Joke of the day – Vegetarians
“Vegetarians, if you love animals so much then why do you keep eating all their food?”
Joke of the day – Alarm clock
An alarm clock is a strange device that makes people “rise and whine.”
Joke of the day – Invention
Bernie: “I’ve invented something that will allow people to see through walls.”
Fred: “That’s awesome! What do you call it?”
Bernie: “A window.”
Joke of the day – Report card
Boy to father: “This my report card Dad and here is one of yours I found in the attic.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 