A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, ‘Sorry, buddy. I can’t serve you.’
‘Why not?’ the snake asks.
‘Because you can’t hold your liquor.’
Tag Archives: short jokes
Joke of the day – Politicians & diapers
“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.”
Joke of the day – One night in Paris
One night in Paris, a tourist dropped into a sidewalk cafe late one night and, after a couple of drinks, realized he was the last person in the bar except for a chap sleeping at one of the tables.
The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill.“Would monsieur care for another drink?” asked the Frenchman.
“No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don’t you send that other fellow home?”
“Well, I should,” said the Frenchman. Then, he added, “But each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again.”
Joke of the day – Bus fare
Conductor: “Full fare for the kid, he’s five.”
Mother: “How could he be five, I’ve only been married three years!”
Conductor: “Look lady, I take fares not confessions.”
Joke of the day – Love letters
Bernie: I wrote Mimi a letter every day for a year.
Jim: What happened?
Bernie: She married the mailman.
Joke of the day – Duck hunter
First hunter: How do you know you hit that duck?
Second hunter: Because I shot him in the foot and in the head at the same time.
First hunter: How could you possibly hit him in the foot and head at the same time?
Second hunter: He was scratching his head.
Joke of the day – Paint job
Anxious to get the porch painted, Julie urged her husband to allow the man that knocked on the door looking for handiwork to do the job. The man happily agreed to paint it for $50. They were thrilled at their good luck of getting the wide porch painted for a measly $50.
Minutes later there was a knock at the door. “All done” he said. “Already?” they both said at once. “Yeah, and by the way, it’s a Lexus not a Porsche”.
Joke of the day – The two monsters
Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Joke of the day – The Millionaire’s Son
Mrs. Smith, the third grade teacher, gave the term test to her students. Richie, the son of a millionaire knew he will not pass the test. Reaching into his pocket, he found a $100 bill and he attached it to his test with a note, “A dollar per point.”. The next day Richie received his test papers with a note, “Good try!”, along with $60 change.
Joke of the day – Laundromat Sign
Sign seen in a laundromat:
AUOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 