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Joke of the day – The parakeet

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One day a man strolled in to the paint section of a hardware store and walked up to the assistant. “I’d like a pint of canary colored paint,” he says. “Sure” the clerk replies. “Mind if I ask what it’s for?” “My parakeet, “the man said. “See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so beautifully he is sure to win.”

“Well, you can’t do that!” the assistant says. “The chemicals in the paint will surely kill the poor thing!” “No they won’t,” says the customer. “Listen, buddy, I’ll bet you twenty bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him.” “You’re on” said the customer.

Two days later the man walks back in the store and very sheepishly lays $20 on the counter. “So the paint killed him?” asked the clerk. “Indirectly,” the man said. “He seemed to handle the paint okay, but I think the sanding between coats did him in.”

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Quote of the day – Plato

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“Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.”

― Plato

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Joke of the day – Be quiet

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A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service,

“And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

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Quote of the day – Steve Jobs

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“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

– Steve Jobs

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Quote of the day – William W. Purkey

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“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”

― William W. Purkey

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Joke of the day – Grandma

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A little boy asked his grandma how old she was.

“39 and holding,” she replied.

“Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?”

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Joke of the day – Starbucks

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“When I went to Starbucks for coffee they lied. It wasn’t Starbucks, it was four bucks!”

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Quote of the day – G. K. Chesterton

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“Journalism is popular, but it is popular mainly as fiction. Life is one world, and life seen in the newspapers another.”

– G.K. Chesterton

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Joke of the day – Personal Ad

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The following personal ad evidently received numerous enthusiastic responses:
SINGLE BLONDE FEMALE
Looking for a willing partner, any sex or ethnicity. I’m a gorgeous, fun-loving girl who lives to play and make you happy. Let’s go for a romp in the woods or a picnic in the park. Let’s cruise in your convertible with the top down and then go skinny-dipping. I love the outdoors in any weather, and winter nights cuddled up on the sofa. Good food is a total turn on. Stroke me and see how I respond. I’ll be waiting whenever you come home, with nothing but bells on.
Call 555-6633 and ask for Pixie.
Callers found themselves talking to the local animal shelter about a golden retriever puppy.

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