Young man to his boss: “Mr Smith, my mother told me to ask you for a raise.”
Mr Smith: “Okay, I’ll ask my mother if I may give it to you.”
Tag Archives: clean jokes
Joke of the day – Free advice
A rancher asked a veterinarian for some free advice. “I have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he limps. What shall I do?”
The veterinarian replied, “The next time he walks normally, sell him.”
Joke of the day – Life insurance
Life insurance agent to would-be client: “Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake up tomorrow, let me know of your decision then.”
Joke of the day – Difference between camel and diplomat
What is the difference between a camel and a diplomat?
A camel can work for days without drinking and a diplomat can drink for days without working.
Joke of the day – The fluffy bunny
After a long day at the office, Jack came home to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead. Jack panicked! “If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they’ll hate me forever,” he thought.
So he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur. Jack knew his neighbors kept their backdoor open during the summer, so he sneaked inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.
A couple of days later Jack and his neighbor saw each other outside. “Did you know that Fluffy died?” the neighbor asked. “Oh! Uhmm… I’m so sorry to hear that. What happened?” Jack mumbled.
The neighbor replied, “We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the strange thing is that the day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage!”
Joke of the day – Writing in zero gravity
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300° C.
The Russians use a pencil.
Joke of the day – Simple math
Teacher: “If I laid two eggs on the chair and three eggs on the table, what do I get?”
Pupil: Your picture in “Believe It or Not!”
Joke of the day – The Italian woman
My friend was stocking the shelves in a shop where he worked when a woman with a distinctive Italian accent asked him, “Please, sir. Where can I find a water go spaghetti stop?”
Puzzled, my friend paid close attention as she repeated her request, this time adding hand gestures. Then it dawned on him what she wanted. He led her to another aisle and found a “water go, spaghetti stop” – a colander.
Joke of the day – The part-time helper
I hired a part-time helper last year but she wasn’t doing a great job. So, one day I called her into the study and told that I was sorry but I have to let her go. I tipped her an extra $20 and thanked her for her services. As she was leaving she threw a $10 bill to our dog, Bobby. I asked her, “What was that for?” She replied, “Can’t forget my helper! Bobby has a great tongue, and always help me do the dishes!!!”
Joke of the day – The professional photographer
As a professional photographer, Julie takes a lot of pride in her pictures. Wherever she goes, she brings her pictures with her, to show off her work.
”Wow”, said her host Samantha,”these are really nice pictures, you must have a great camera.”
Fuming mad at the implication that her whole talent came from her camera, Julie waited until the end of the meal. She then thanked her host, “Thank you, the meal was delicious.” And as if an afterthought added, “you must have great pots.”
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