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Tag Archives: free jokes
Joke of the day – The horrific accident
Lucy had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the police officer arrived.
“My goodness!” the officer gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” Lucy chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” Lucy began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Err, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
Joke of the day – One night in Paris
One night in Paris, a tourist dropped into a sidewalk cafe late one night and, after a couple of drinks, realized he was the last person in the bar except for a chap sleeping at one of the tables.
The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill.“Would monsieur care for another drink?” asked the Frenchman.
“No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don’t you send that other fellow home?”
“Well, I should,” said the Frenchman. Then, he added, “But each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again.”
Joke of the day – Bus fare
Conductor: “Full fare for the kid, he’s five.”
Mother: “How could he be five, I’ve only been married three years!”
Conductor: “Look lady, I take fares not confessions.”
Joke of the day – Love letters
Bernie: I wrote Mimi a letter every day for a year.
Jim: What happened?
Bernie: She married the mailman.
Joke of the day – Paint job
Anxious to get the porch painted, Julie urged her husband to allow the man that knocked on the door looking for handiwork to do the job. The man happily agreed to paint it for $50. They were thrilled at their good luck of getting the wide porch painted for a measly $50.
Minutes later there was a knock at the door. “All done” he said. “Already?” they both said at once. “Yeah, and by the way, it’s a Lexus not a Porsche”.
Joke of the day – The two monsters
Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Joke of the day – The Millionaire’s Son
Mrs. Smith, the third grade teacher, gave the term test to her students. Richie, the son of a millionaire knew he will not pass the test. Reaching into his pocket, he found a $100 bill and he attached it to his test with a note, “A dollar per point.”. The next day Richie received his test papers with a note, “Good try!”, along with $60 change.
Joke of the day – Rabbi and Priest
Priest: Rabbi, when are you going to break down and eat ham?
Rabbi: At your wedding, Father.
Joke of the day – First job
A young man hired by a supermarket reported his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a university graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”
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