Mrs. Smith, the third grade teacher, gave the term test to her students. Richie, the son of a millionaire knew he will not pass the test. Reaching into his pocket, he found a $100 bill and he attached it to his test with a note, “A dollar per point.”. The next day Richie received his test papers with a note, “Good try!”, along with $60 change.
Bert urgently needed a few days off work, but he knew the Boss would not allow him to take leave. He thought that maybe if he acted “CRAZY” then he would tell him to take a few days off.
So he hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. His co-worker, Bonnie asked him what he was doing? He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think he’s “CRAZY” and give him a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked “What are you doing?” Bert told him he was a light bulb. He said “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days”.
He jumped down and walked out of the office. When Bonnie followed him, the Boss asked, “And, where do you think you’re going?”
She replied, “I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark!”
Sign seen in a laundromat:
AUOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Priest: Rabbi, when are you going to break down and eat ham?
Rabbi: At your wedding, Father.
A young man hired by a supermarket reported his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a university graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”
Teacher: What is a comet?
Julie: A star with a tail.
Teacher. Very good. Can you name one?
Julie: Lassie!
How many cats have been elected President of the United States?
Thomeows Jefferson
Grow-fur Cleveland
James Meowonroe
Hairy S. Truman
Jimmy Catter
Dwight D. Eisenmeower
And, of course – James A. Garfield!
Sign in a Volksvagen dealership:
‘OUR STORE HAS BUGS’
Two friends were discussing the difficulty of making ends meet.
“With my current income, I’m having a hard time keeping my head above water,” John commented.
“Head above water!” Bert said. “I’m looking for a longer snorkel.”
Mrs Jones: What is your son doing?
Mrs Smith: He is in medical school.
Mrs Jones: What is he studying?
Mrs Smith: Nothing. They’re studying him.
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 