Joke of the day – The horrific accident

November 9, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Lucy had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the police officer arrived.

“My goodness!” the officer gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”

“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” Lucy chirped.

“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” Lucy began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”

“Err, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”

Joke of the day – One night in Paris

November 8, 2013 | Newbloggycat

One night in Paris, a tourist dropped into a sidewalk cafe late one night and, after a couple of drinks, realized he was the last person in the bar except for a chap sleeping at one of the tables.

The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill.“Would monsieur care for another drink?” asked the Frenchman.

“No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don’t you send that other fellow home?”

“Well, I should,” said the Frenchman. Then, he added, “But each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again.”

Joke of the day – Bus fare

November 7, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Conductor: “Full fare for the kid, he’s five.”

Mother: “How could he be five, I’ve only been married three years!”

Conductor: “Look lady, I take fares not confessions.”

Joke of the day – Love letters

November 5, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Bernie: I wrote Mimi a letter every day for a year.

Jim: What happened?

Bernie: She married the mailman.

Joke of the day – Duck hunter

November 4, 2013 | Newbloggycat

First hunter: How do you know you hit that duck?

Second hunter: Because I shot him in the foot and in the head at the same time.

First hunter: How could you possibly hit him in the foot and head at the same time?

Second hunter: He was scratching his head.

Joke of the day – The two monsters

October 31, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”

“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”

Joke of the day – The Millionaire’s Son

October 29, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Mrs. Smith, the third grade teacher, gave the term test to her students. Richie, the son of a millionaire knew he will not pass the test. Reaching into his pocket, he found a $100 bill and he attached it to his test with a note, “A dollar per point.”. The next day Richie received his test papers with a note, “Good try!”, along with $60 change.