A young man hired by a supermarket reported his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a university graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”
Teacher: What is a comet?
Julie: A star with a tail.
Teacher. Very good. Can you name one?
Julie: Lassie!
How many cats have been elected President of the United States?
Thomeows Jefferson
Grow-fur Cleveland
James Meowonroe
Hairy S. Truman
Jimmy Catter
Dwight D. Eisenmeower
And, of course – James A. Garfield!
Sign in a Volksvagen dealership:
‘OUR STORE HAS BUGS’
Two friends were discussing the difficulty of making ends meet.
“With my current income, I’m having a hard time keeping my head above water,” John commented.
“Head above water!” Bert said. “I’m looking for a longer snorkel.”
Mrs Jones: What is your son doing?
Mrs Smith: He is in medical school.
Mrs Jones: What is he studying?
Mrs Smith: Nothing. They’re studying him.
Jim took his Saint Bernard to the vet.
“Doctor,” he said sadly, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cut off my dog’s tail.”
The vet stepped back, “Jim, why should I do such a terrible thing?”
“Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”
The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father’s firm.
At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father’s office and said, “Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you’ve been working on for so long!”
His father yelled, “You idiot! We’ve been living on the funding of that case for ten years!”
“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”
– Frank Zappa
“Loose conduct can quickly get you into tight places.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 