After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while, and then said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”
She asked, “What does that mean?”
He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.”
She smiled happily and said, “Oh, that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?”
He said, “I’m Just Kidding!”
After a long day at the office, Jack came home to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead. Jack panicked! “If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they’ll hate me forever,” he thought.
So he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur. Jack knew his neighbors kept their backdoor open during the summer, so he sneaked inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.
A couple of days later Jack and his neighbor saw each other outside. “Did you know that Fluffy died?” the neighbor asked. “Oh! Uhmm… I’m so sorry to hear that. What happened?” Jack mumbled.
The neighbor replied, “We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the strange thing is that the day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage!”
“Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shihtzu.”
A couple invited some co-workers to dinner. At the table, the wife turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
“Would you like to say grace?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say”, the girl replied.
“Just say what you hear Mom say”, the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
“Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
On a visit to the local theater, an elderly man asked for the admission prices.
“Balcony seats are $15 each, circle seats are $10 each, stalls are $5 each and the programs are 50 cents, sir,” replied the lady behind the ticket counter.
“Right,” said the elderly man. “Give me a program and I’ll sit on it.”
Teacher: “If I laid two eggs on the chair and three eggs on the table, what do I get?”
Pupil: Your picture in “Believe It or Not!”
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein
My friend was stocking the shelves in a shop where he worked when a woman with a distinctive Italian accent asked him, “Please, sir. Where can I find a water go spaghetti stop?”
Puzzled, my friend paid close attention as she repeated her request, this time adding hand gestures. Then it dawned on him what she wanted. He led her to another aisle and found a “water go, spaghetti stop” – a colander.
… a perfect meatloaf!
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 