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Joke of the day – The portrait

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A woman decided to have her portrait painted.

She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.”

“But you are not wearing any of those things,” he replied.

“I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery.”

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Joke of the day – Paint job

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Anxious to get the porch painted, Julie urged her husband to allow the man that knocked on the door looking for handiwork to do the job. The man happily agreed to paint it for $50. They were thrilled at their good luck of getting the wide porch painted for a measly $50.

Minutes later there was a knock at the door. “All done” he said. “Already?” they both said at once. “Yeah, and by the way, it’s a Lexus not a Porsche”.