5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in and vice versa.
4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad.
3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless Iām in a bad mood)
2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally)
and the Number One New Year’s Resolution for 2014 is…
1. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day.
Gilbert grabbed his plate and walked up to the buffet for the 5th time.
“Aren’t you embarrassed to go for so many helpings?” asked the wife.
“Not a bit,” Gilbert replied, “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
Diner: You call this creamed lobster your special? I can find neither cream or lobster in it.
Waiter: Yes sir. That’s what makes it special.
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,“What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.
“That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened.”
The secret of perpetual youth is to lie about your age.
Two foolish guys went hunting for a bear. Along the way they saw a sign “Bear left,” so they went home.
A fish is an underwater creature that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time the fisherman describes it to his friends.
Have you heard about the new shampoo for men who are going bald…
It’s called “What’s the Point?”
Driver: I had to drive into your fence to keep from hitting a cow that was on the road.
Farmer: Was it a Jersey cow?
Driver: I don’t know. I didn’t see her license plate.
A lady fainted and the husband calls 911.
The operator asks, “Where are you at”?
The husband replies, “I’m on Eucolipstic Road.”
The operator asks, “Can you spell that for me?”
“Well… I’ll just drag her over to Oak so you can pick her up there?”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 