A snail entered a police station and told an officer, “I just got mugged by two turtles. They beat me up and took all my money!”
The officer replied, “Why that’s terrible. Did you get a good look at them?”
“No sir, it all happened so fast!”
Tag Archives: very funny jokes
Joke of the day – Don’t talk to the parrot
Randy the dishwasher repairman was given specific instructions concerning the woman’s two pets. “The Rottweiler won’t hurt you, even though it looks fierce, but whatever you do, don’t talk to the parrot.”
Randy let himself in and set to work, and the dog just lay quietly on the carpet. But the parrot mocked him mercilessly the whole time.
“Wow, you’re pretty fat,” the bird would say. “Hey, fatso, you couldn’t change the batteries in a flashlight, let alone fix a dishwasher.”
Before long, Randy had had enough. “You know, bird, you think you’re pretty smart for someone with a brain the size of a pea.”
The parrot was silent for a moment, and then, with a gleam in its eye, said, “All right. Get him, Spike.”
– Terry Boas
Joke of the day – Black & White
Whatβs black and white, black and white, black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
Joke of the day – Secondhand shop
Outside a secondhand shop:
βWe exchange everything β bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.β
Joke of the day – Rock band
I used to be in a rock band, we were called βLost Dogβ. You probably saw our posters.
Joke of the day – Husband vs dog
Whatβs the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Joke of the day – The Prince
A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study. A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: “Berlin is wonderful, people are friendly and I really like it here, but I’m a bit ashamed to arrive in school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train.”
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying: “Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.”
Joke of the day – Pizza Delivery
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Joke of the day – Passport photo
If people actually looked like what they look like in their passport photos very few countries will let them in.
Joke of the day – Penguin
A penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot.
He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he has found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, βIt looks like you blew a seal.β
βNo, no,β the penguin replies, βitβs just ice cream.β
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