1) You are human.
2) You are reading this.
3) You canβt say the letter βPβ without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
Bernie: “I’ve invented something that will allow people to see through walls.”
Fred: “That’s awesome! What do you call it?”
Bernie: “A window.”
I hired a part-time helper last year but she wasn’t doing a great job. So, one day I called her into the study and told that I was sorry but I have to let her go. I tipped her an extra $20 and thanked her for her services. As she was leaving she threw a $10 bill to our dog, Bobby. I asked her, βWhat was that for?β She replied, βCanβt forget my helper! Bobby has a great tongue, and always help me do the dishes!!!β
As a professional photographer, Julie takes a lot of pride in her pictures. Wherever she goes, she brings her pictures with her, to show off her work.
βWowβ, said her host Samantha,βthese are really nice pictures, you must have a great camera.β
Fuming mad at the implication that her whole talent came from her camera, Julie waited until the end of the meal. She then thanked her host, βThank you, the meal was delicious.β And as if an afterthought added, βyou must have great pots.β
A thief was robbing a house. All of a sudden someone said, “Jesus is watching you!” “What? Oh well,” said the thief and he went back to work. When he started to pick up the VCR, he heard the voice again, “Jesus is watching you!” it said again. This time the thief pointed his flashlight at the voice and asked, “Who said that?” It was a parrot. “I’m Moses,” said the parrot. “Who in the world would name you Moses?” asked the thief. The parrot answered, “The same man that named the pitbull in the corner Jesus!”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: βWatson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.β
Watson replied: βI see millions and millions of stars.β
Holmes said: βand what do you deduce from that?β
Watson replied: βWell, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, itβs quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.β
And Holmes said: βWatson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.β
A man runs into the vetβs office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dogβs body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dogβs body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, βIβm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too.β The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. So the vet brings in a black Labrador retriever. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says,
βIβm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.β
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, β$650.β
β$650 to tell me my dog is dead?β exclaims the man.
βWell,β the vet replies, βI would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.
A teacher asked her class what they knew about whales. One little girl spoke up and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher smiled and said she didnβt think that was very likely, because even though whales can be big, their throats are not big enough to swallow a man. But the little girl was adamant, and maintained that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher was getting impatient, and reiterated that this was physically unlikely. But the girl was unmoved, and said that when she got to heaven, she would ask Jonah.
βBut what if Jonah went to hell?β the teacher asked.
The girl replied, βThen you ask him.β
The mother was furious. βSam!β β she yelled. βWhy are you making such awful faces at your bulldog?β
βWell, Mom, he started it!β
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 