Joke of the day – The sleepy dog

September 1, 2013 | Newbloggycat

One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: “Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day he arrived with a response pinned to his collar: “We have ten children – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.”

Joke of the day – The thief

August 31, 2013 | Newbloggycat

A thief was robbing a house. All of a sudden someone said, “Jesus is watching you!” “What? Oh well,” said the thief and he went back to work. When he started to pick up the VCR, he heard the voice again, “Jesus is watching you!” it said again. This time the thief pointed his flashlight at the voice and asked, “Who said that?” It was a parrot. “I’m Moses,” said the parrot. “Who in the world would name you Moses?” asked the thief. The parrot answered, “The same man that named the pitbull in the corner Jesus!”

Joke of the day – Sherlock Holmes

August 29, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

Joke of the day – Russian baby boy

August 26, 2013 | Newbloggycat

The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”

The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby. In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able to understand him.”

Joke of the day – God and Einstein

August 25, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord…
“God, what does a million years mean to you?”

The Lord replies, “A minute.”

“Einstein asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”

The Lord replies, “A penny.”

Einstein asks, “Can I have a penny?”

The Lord replies, “In a minute.”

Joke of the day – The parakeet

August 24, 2013 | Newbloggycat

One day a man strolled in to the paint section of a hardware store and walked up to the assistant. “I’d like a pint of canary colored paint,” he says. “Sure” the clerk replies. “Mind if I ask what it’s for?” “My parakeet, “the man said. “See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so beautifully he is sure to win.”

“Well, you can’t do that!” the assistant says. “The chemicals in the paint will surely kill the poor thing!” “No they won’t,” says the customer. “Listen, buddy, I’ll bet you twenty bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him.” “You’re on” said the customer.

Two days later the man walks back in the store and very sheepishly lays $20 on the counter. “So the paint killed him?” asked the clerk. “Indirectly,” the man said. “He seemed to handle the paint okay, but I think the sanding between coats did him in.”

Joke of the day – Be quiet

August 23, 2013 | Newbloggycat

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service,

“And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

Joke of the day – Grandma

August 22, 2013 | Newbloggycat

A little boy asked his grandma how old she was.

“39 and holding,” she replied.

“Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?”

Joke of the day – Personal Ad

August 20, 2013 | Newbloggycat

The following personal ad evidently received numerous enthusiastic responses:
SINGLE BLONDE FEMALE
Looking for a willing partner, any sex or ethnicity. I’m a gorgeous, fun-loving girl who lives to play and make you happy. Let’s go for a romp in the woods or a picnic in the park. Let’s cruise in your convertible with the top down and then go skinny-dipping. I love the outdoors in any weather, and winter nights cuddled up on the sofa. Good food is a total turn on. Stroke me and see how I respond. I’ll be waiting whenever you come home, with nothing but bells on.
Call 555-6633 and ask for Pixie.
Callers found themselves talking to the local animal shelter about a golden retriever puppy.

Joke of the day – Lesson on whales

August 18, 2013 | Newbloggycat

A teacher asked her class what they knew about whales. One little girl spoke up and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

The teacher smiled and said she didn’t think that was very likely, because even though whales can be big, their throats are not big enough to swallow a man. But the little girl was adamant, and maintained that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

The teacher was getting impatient, and reiterated that this was physically unlikely. But the girl was unmoved, and said that when she got to heaven, she would ask Jonah.

“But what if Jonah went to hell?” the teacher asked.
The girl replied, “Then you ask him.”