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Joke of the day – Famous mothers

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ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOTHER: “Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can’t
you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”

ALBERT EINSTEIN’S MOTHER: “But, Albert, it’s your senior picture.
Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse,
something…?”

BATMAN’S MOTHER: “It’s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how
much the insurance is going to be?”

GOLDILOCKS’ MOTHER: “I’ve got a bill here for a busted chair from
the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?”

HUMPTY DUMPTY’S MOTHER: “Humpty, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told
you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to
me? Noooo!”

JONAH’S MOTHER: “That’s a nice story, but now tell me where you’ve
really been for the last three days.”

MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent on
braces, Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?”

LITTLE MISS MUFFET’S MOTHER: “Well, all I’ve got to say is if you
don’t get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there’ll be
a lot more spiders around here!”

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY’S MOTHER: “I
don’t mind you having a
garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?”

MICHELANGELO’S MOTHER: “Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other
children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off
the ceiling?”

NAPOLEON’S MOTHER: “All right, Napoleon. If you aren’t hiding your
report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and
prove it!”

SUPERMAN’S MOTHER: “Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and
we’ve decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you
quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?”

THOMAS EDISON’S MOTHER: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the
electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to
bed!”

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Joke of the day – Order in court

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“Order, order in the court!”

“Whiskey on the rocks for me. Thanks.”

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Joke of the day – Bottom of the class

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Father: Son, I am concerned about you, You’re always in the bottom of the class.

Son: Don’t be worried, Dad. They teach the same things at both ends of the class.

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Joke of the day – Model husband

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In seeking a model husband, it’s wise to be sure he’s a working model.

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Joke of the day – First aid

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When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a light pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver.

A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first aid.”

The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”

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Joke of the day – Hearing aids

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An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years.

The elderly man goes back in a month for a checkup. The doctor says, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

To which the gentleman replies, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”.

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Joke of the day – eBusiness

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A corrupt minister used to write “NOT APPROVED” on all the papers that were sent to him by his assistants. He always left a significant space between NOT and APPROVED.

When the affected persons greased his palms, he would recall the file and just add an “E:” after NOT so that it became “NOTE: APPROVED”.

This was the beginning of eBusiness in Kenya.

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Joke of the day – Spare part

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A manager of an electronics shop ordered a part number 669, from the factory. When it arrived, he noticed they’d sent him part 699 instead. He fired off an angry letter and sent it back. A few days later, he got the replacement. It was the same part, along with a note containing these four words: TURN THE BOX OVER.

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Joke of the day – Apache

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An Apache goes into a bank and asks for a loan of 200 dollars. The bank manager asks for collateral.

“I have 150 horses,” says the Apache, so the bank manager lends him the money.

A month later, the Apache comes into the bank with 2220 dollars in his hand and pays off his debt with interest.

“Wouldn’t you prefer to deposit the rest of your money with us?” asks the bank manager.

The Apache looks at him suspiciously, then looks around the bank.

“How many horses you got?”

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Joke of the day – Monday blues

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Dear Monday, I want to break up. I am seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sorry, it’s not me — it’s you!