Happiness is …

February 1, 2014 | Newbloggycat

… puppies on a string.

Joke of the day – Don’t talk to the parrot

January 27, 2014 | Newbloggycat

Randy the dishwasher repairman was given specific instructions concerning the woman’s two pets. “The Rottweiler won’t hurt you, even though it looks fierce, but whatever you do, don’t talk to the parrot.”

Randy let himself in and set to work, and the dog just lay quietly on the carpet. But the parrot mocked him mercilessly the whole time.

“Wow, you’re pretty fat,” the bird would say. “Hey, fatso, you couldn’t change the batteries in a flashlight, let alone fix a dishwasher.”

Before long, Randy had had enough. “You know, bird, you think you’re pretty smart for someone with a brain the size of a pea.”

The parrot was silent for a moment, and then, with a gleam in its eye, said, “All right. Get him, Spike.”

– Terry Boas

Joke of the day – Husband vs dog

January 20, 2014 | Newbloggycat

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Quote of the day – Christopher Morley

January 14, 2014 | Newbloggycat

“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversations as a dog does.”

– Christopher Morley

Joke of the day – Cat’s Resolutions

December 31, 2013 | Newbloggycat

5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in and vice versa.

4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad.

3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I’m in a bad mood)

2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally)

and the Number One New Year’s Resolution for 2014 is…

1. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day.

Joke of the day – Bartender job

December 6, 2013 | Newbloggycat

A dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any jobs?” and the bartender says, “Why don’t you try the circus?” The dog replies, “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

Joke of the day – Science lesson

October 20, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Teacher: What is a comet?

Julie: A star with a tail.

Teacher. Very good. Can you name one?

Julie: Lassie!

Joke of the day ~ Mother-in-law’s visit

October 14, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Jim took his Saint Bernard to the vet.

“Doctor,” he said sadly, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cut off my dog’s tail.”

The vet stepped back, “Jim, why should I do such a terrible thing?”

“Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”

Joke of the day – The fluffy bunny

September 16, 2013 | Newbloggycat

After a long day at the office, Jack came home to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead. Jack panicked! “If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they’ll hate me forever,” he thought.

So he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur. Jack knew his neighbors kept their backdoor open during the summer, so he sneaked inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.

A couple of days later Jack and his neighbor saw each other outside. “Did you know that Fluffy died?” the neighbor asked. “Oh! Uhmm… I’m so sorry to hear that. What happened?” Jack mumbled.

The neighbor replied, “We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the strange thing is that the day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage!”